Live Out Loud

WOW. As I was reading Romans 10-11 (the special Missions Week Bible reading plan) today, I was STUNNED by how much of what Paul talks about in those two chapters relates with my last post about lessons from running the Big House Big Heart 10K. Romans 11 verses 5-6 and 17-24 were especially relevant. 5  It is the same today, for a few of the people of Israel [ c ]  have remained faithful because of God’s grace—his undeserved kindness in choosing them .  6  And since it is through God’s kindness, then it is not by their good works. For in that case, God’s grace would not be what it really is—free and undeserved. 17  But some of these branches from Abraham’s tree—some of the people of Israel—have been broken off. And you Gentiles, who were branches from a wild olive tree, have been grafted in. So now you also receive the blessing God has promised Abraham and his children, sharing in the rich nourishment from the root of God’s special olive tree.  18   But you must not brag about

"But who am I, and who are my people, that we could give anything to you?" (1 Chronicles 29:14) "But Lord... how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family." (Judges 6:15-16) SERIOUSLY GOD. WHO AM I, that the LORD of ALL THE EARTH would care to know my name, yet alone save me from the guilt and shame of my sin. Even when I'm giving my 100%, A-GAME to please You, I SOMEHOW end up screwing it all up (and even bringing others down with me). SURELY all my righteous acts are like filthy rags before You. Why does God love me? Not because of who I am But because of who You are God doesn't just love, God IS love. Just believe it NY--stop feeling insecure, just live your life CONVINCED that God's love for you is real.

I ran a 10K yesterday at the Big House, right before HMCC's 15th year celebration--it was an INCREDIBLE run because I feel like God was speaking to me about my life as I was running. Here's what I mean: I was in awe and shock when I finished my 6.2 miles, because I have been extremely unfaithful with training leading up to the race. Despite my failure to be disciplined on a daily basis, I felt like I was given this supernatural strength to run til the finish and not give up. Because of that, I ran hard and ended up cutting about 20 minutes off of my time from June (crazy, I know). I think the 10 kilometers I ran yesterday greatly resembles my journey of following after Jesus. If you ask me about what has helped me to grow in my faith, I can give you a handful of HUGE commitments I've made in the past couple years--like participating in a summer missions project, serving in LIFEgroup ministry, or staying in Michigan post-graduation. But despite these sizeable deci

I don't like saying things I don't mean, especially the term BLESSED, which is used very often in the church. I mentioned how cautious I am to use the word BLESSED in an entry back in April , and today I want to testify to how another promise has been fulfilled in my life. So.. what is a promise I banked on? [From a recent Creative Development exercise we did in Pubs] How was this promise fulfilled? Confession: I've heard this verse many times before and even memorized it--but despite knowing it in my head, I really doubted it in my heart. I knew Jesus said things like "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God" (Luke 9:62) but I OFTEN looked back (and side to side) wondering if the way of following Christ was really the BEST LIFE I COULD LIVE.  If I had to describe this summer in one word, it would be affirming . I've been affirmed in my job, my ministry, my relationships and I truly FEEL that there

Of all the things in a typical week, my favorite meetings are hands down the times I have with my co-leaders. They are typically referred to as planning meetings in our church, but I'd rather avoid that term because that phrase is sometimes associated with :( emoticons or dreadful looks. After all, every lifegroup and leadership team (LT) handles planning meetings differently :P My first LT experience was with Eric and KT during Walk It Out--I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty upset when I found out they were the two I was stuck with for the entire year. I had contexts with both of them before I started serving with them and thought I knew them pretty well. Eric was the guy in my class who endlessly shared for 30 minutes whenever I asked a simple "How are you?", and KT was the ministry team leader that I had a distant relationship with, despite the fact that I had been a part of her team for 2+ years. I didn't see much hope for the future of our relationship, but God

A few weeks ago I mentioned how God has been answering my prayers for greater discernment in my life. Another one of those long-term prayer requests in my life has been to grow in compassion . And MAN I can't believe God has been answering! I mean, I must be really faithless to have doubted--after all, one of my fav verses right now is 1 John 5:14 which says "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us." Jesus was full of compassion, so why wouldn't God want to grant me compassion if I asked for it, right? I noticed how much I lacked in compassion when I was with two particular people groups--children, and the poor. But over the past year and a half (since I started praying in November of 2009), God has thrown multiple opportunities to grow in an area of weakness. The first was in partaking in the social just!ce movement at our church last year where we brainstormed ways to raise awareness of social is

On Sunday morning, I did something I thought I'd NEVER do. I completed a 10K at the 2011 Dexter-Ann Arbor Run. A lot of people assume I enjoy running because I love playing sports--but believe me on this, I never understood how anyone could run for fun . About a month ago when the "new year" began, I set a new personal goal to invest in my physical health just like I care for my spiritual, mental, or emotional health. When Julia told me about DXA2 at a Pubs meeting two weeks ago, I was intrigued. Running 6.2 miles seemed like just the right distance for me to be challenged without having months to train beforehand. Despite my interest, I didn't want to sign-up without having at least one buddy to run with me side-by-side and help me stick to the goal I had set. Without the A word (accountability), I knew how easy it would be for me to start walking halfway and not fulfill the commitment I had made. It brings me great excitement to share that I (along with two very s

I used to think that doing God's will, or doing the "right thing", always involved making sacrifices, dying to myself, and ultimately--having no fun. For the first three years after accepting Christ, I felt restrained and limited in what I could/could not do and found little joy and freedom in following Christ. A lot of these misconceptions I had were results of me living in darkness and being dishonest/fake/a complete fluke with God. But slowly as I came into the light and admitted to how I genuinely felt, the transformation and renewing of my mind began. In the Bible, Jesus says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life , and have it to the full " (John 10:10). AKA Jesus came so that I may experience life to the full. The best life I could ever imagine. The life I've always wanted. I always knew this truth in my head but couldn't confidently testify to it personally until very recently. Often times whe

Even though I've been a Christian for four years now (!), there are still a handful of things I know theoretically but have yet to experience personally . One of those that bothered me for a good three years was the idea of what it means to be FREE IN CHRIST, which God let me experience through a serious of reoccuring dreams lol (just ask me about it in-person if I haven't told you). I know God loves me because He sent His one and only Son to die for me, but I don't know if I've ever experienced God's love in a personal way. Or perhaps I have, but I just haven't recognized it.. Two weeks ago, new LIFE groups began which meant I was given a fresh roster of fifteen girls to shepherd for the rest of the summer. My new LG is a merge of Global Access & Jwitter, with a few additional international students. Perhaps it's because I've had context with the GA community in years past and knew my Jwitter girls coming in, but something about my love for this L

The first time I ever stepped into a church was in 10th grade. After the service (99% which I did not understand, and felt completely out of place about), my friend Patty went up to her youth pastor and asked, "Hey Pastor Steve, do you have any extra Bibles? My friend is new and doesn't have one." He went to his office to get one, but when he came back he said, "Sorry we don't have any more Bibles--but someone left their Bible behind and it's been sitting in the lost & found for months! Here, you can have it." I didn't like the idea of receiving a second-hand Bible at first, so when I received a *new* leather-bound study-Bible (the two-tone smooth leather kind with the gold page edges), I immediately put this first Bible away. Over the years, I received several other Bibles which was honestly frustrating--I was so disappointed when I received a Bible from my LG as a baptism gift (c'mon how many Bibles did I really need at that time?) I return

I’ve been thinking a lot about friendships lately. What’s the purpose of having friends? Is it just so I can have fun and have people to spend time with? Where should my friendships strive towards? What is the end goal of friendships in my life? Of the many insecurities in my life, relationships are one of the top things on my list. Ever since I was young, I never felt like I “succeeded” socially. I wasn’t ostracized or outcasted in school, but I was also never THE person that everyone wanted to be friends with. The fact that I was never someone’s best friend or girlfriend made me believe that I wasn’t good enough or worthy enough to be one. SO when I came to college knowing just one person, I took the chance to reinvent myself—I forced myself to be more outgoing and fun-to-be-around, thinking my new personality could win over more friends. The truth is, it worked. But deep inside I knew it was all a façade—when I accepted Christ at the end of my freshman year and realized God loved

During the discipleship portion of the CSMP a few summers ago, Pastor Andrew suggested that our whole team follow the same Bible Reading Plan—so since then, I’ve been reading through the Word according to the M’Cheyne two-year plan. There were days and many spurts where I wasn’t faithful, but it was SO weird last week when I flipped over my little plan folded into thirds and realized I had made it, a full two years! Which got me thinking, what was I like two years ago? Have I changed at all? Two years ago, I had just finished my junior year in college. A busy year in academics and the future (recruiting), but a year God challenged me to s u r r e n d e r as I said no to the plans for my life and signed-up for the CSMP instead. I began seeing the value of INVESTMENT as I wrapped up an awesome year with my life group (New Era), and was offered the opportunity to serve on TEAM Community, the leadership in our church. I was a terrible co-leader in my first lifegroup (Organic)—so consu

One of those topics that always seems to come up is the different ways we show love--the well-known love languages varying from words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. I'm still figuring myself out, but I think I tend to show my love through gifts and words of affirmation. I LOVE taking mental notes of things people mention in passing and giving it to them unexpectedly. Often times they're not even items that are very costly monetarily but just the mere fact that I am able to meet a need in the other person's life brings me much joy. With that said, if I wasn't inspired or didn't "pick up" on a need in a friend's life, I prefer to just not buy any gift at all and instead resort to a card of (hopefully) encouraging affirmations instead. Might seem a little odd, but I guess it just aligns with the practical side of me. Apparently many people receive love in different ways than the way they SHOW love. Eve

This morning I was driving to Trix Elementary for my weekly Junior Achievement session with the 5th graders. I've been there four times now and the commute there is actually REALLY simple. Despite the fact that I had gained familiarity with the route though, I felt the need to check the directions one more time. I just couldn't stand the idea of uncertainty--that 1% chance that I woULDN't know the right exit to take or the right street to turn into. It was silly because even though I couldn't recall the exact exit number or the street name, I knew the approximate distance or the landmarks indicating an approaching turn. But I didn't feel like that was enough--I needed the extra confirmation, something to seal the deal. I couldn't move forward with merely what I knew because I was so scared of failing. Even if that chance was so abysmal, it didn't matter--my fear of failure paralyzed me from moving forward. I wonder how much I'm missing out on just becaus

When you listen to a song, which sticks out to you--the lyrics, or the beat/tune/melody? I've always found it difficult to discern the meaning of songs (yet alone discern what people are even saying) when listening to music. I know this is very odd for someone my age, but I don't even listen to music. I like driving my car in silence, jogging without earbuds, and doing work without distractions. Sooooo... when I DO stumble across a song I actually like, it means a lot. Here are the words to a song by Sanctus Real called " Til I Got to Know You "--it was played during one of the videos at Easter and I found out about it on a friend's blog afterwards.. I tried perfecting myself Would You love me more without my mistakes? I tried not to ask for Your help 'Cause I didn't want to scare You away Yeah, I was always worried I was gonna let You down Oh, it felt like I was standing In between the lost and found 'Til I got to know You, You I was at a place when

This week has been.. breathtakingly awesome. One atypical thing about my life right now is that even though I am a working adult, my schedule is significantly affected by those of college students (due to the ministry I'm investing in). With the semester coming to a close and the campus filled with family/friends visiting for graduation, many of the meetings I normally partake in after work have been cancelled. I wanted to steward this God-given free time (!) purposefully and this week has been just that! 1) Developing discipline Unfortunately over the past semester I've lost alot of the discipline and self-control I once had. I've been praying for discipline for a while but this week God has given me SO many chances to make new commitments for the year (and actually stick to them)! This is a great beginning to the "new year" that begins next weekend, and I'm hopeful that God will enable me to stay true to my commitments for the rest of the summer. 2) Being st

I've been really enjoying my time driving this week. The week started off freaking out about the warning light to check my tire pressure (and fill my gas tank), but after I took care of that I think I just had a greater appreciation of my car. Even though driving 90 miles/day is never ideal, I've come to (on occasion)appreciate my long commutes. Throughout the past eight months, my commutes have been awesome times for me to memorize verses, catch-up with Hyeri, or actually pray for the people on my dinky prayer card. That little vehicle has served as a sanctuary for me and sometimes even with other people. I distinctly remember a time last year when I had an emergency breakdown session with a friend in her car. We only ended up there because both of our apartments were at-the-time occupied--but man that time venting and praying in a confined vehicle was sweet. Even though I had previously been very adamant about not owning a car (why pay the fixed costs of car insurance, variab

Baptism services and Grad Night are my favorite events every year because we get to hear a plethora of stories, back-to-back-to-back. These stories leave me refreshed and encouraged because 9 times out of 10, I'm questioning, doubting, and wondering if it's worth living my life for God's glory (not my own). This first year out of school has not been any different. 90% of the time, I questioned why I was still in Michigan, why I was working in Detroit, why I spent so much time serving the church, and why I rarely had free time to myself. Of course the simple answer to why was: because God called me to do this. But that's all I had--a mere conviction, a promise that "as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are (God's) ways higher than (my) ways and (God's) thoughts than (my) thoughts" (Isa 55:9). I never planned or desired my life after college to be the way it looks now--if I had it my way, I'd be in downtown Chicago, working for a CPG company

Over three weeks since I last bit my nails--I can't believe it! They're starting to get long enough for me to use a nail clipper now though so figured I'd snipe a pic. One of my nails (on the other hand) started tempting me today so I ended up "peeling it" away instead of patiently waiting to use a real nail clipper at home today. I am so tempted to just do the same to the other nine nails now, particularly because I know I already "gave in" to one. GAH must resist.. Had the chance to check out Milano Bakery yesterday during lunch-time. Jan and I have been having monthly outings for lunch where we actually leave our cubicles and our buildings. The first time we did this was back in November when a Groupon deal prompted us to drive 6 minutes away from our building for lunch. This was a really epic moment because despite having worked in Detroit for 4-6 months prior, neither of us had EVER veered off the Ann Arbor to RenCen (and vice versa) route. In the

I used to think that anything I invested in church was irrelevant for the "real world." Whenever people would ask me what extra-curricular activities I'm involved with, I knew I was investing the most time into the local church--nearly every day of the week I was investing in my personal or others' spiritual lives. The killer was that despite how much I was investing, I felt like I couldn't justify its worth to a classmate or employer. I made sure to keep the "brand-name" internships and solid leadership positions on my resume, but never felt comfortable writing "Harvest Mission Community Church" on a mere 8.5x11 sheet of paper listing my professional qualifications. By the time I was applying for jobs senior year, I had no choice but to list HMCC on my resume--recruiters always inquired what I did my junior year summer, since there was no impressive internship employer to woo them over. Even though I tried SO HARD to relate my experience at Ce

One thing I really dropped the ball about this year is carrying some of my (bad) habits from student life into working life. Overall, I am a very meticulous person with careful attention to detail. When I was in college though, I realized there was just no need for me to THAT attentive to detail--after all, I was dealing with hypothetical case studies in class or a sentimental gift that was merely meant to bless. Initially when I did carry out things to the tee, my teammates either dismissed it as unnecessary, or the attention to detail was unrecognized, hence (in my mind) deeming it as something not worth the investment. So I graduated college without doing everything detail-by-detail, pretty lackadaisically, and in Korean terms, very "dul-lung". My grades didn't suffer much as a result of my half-hearted efforts, which also affirms the recent NYTimes Article about "Skating through B-School" :P I carried this "I don't really have to be THAT attentiv

One of my favorite aspects of Christ-centered community is the chance to hear other people's stories of God at work in their lives. I still remember Grad Night two years ago--even though I had attended every Grad Night, this one was special. That time Junior Year, I had made some difficult decisions to obey God and was questioning if it was worth it all. I went into the evening not expecting much, but when I sat through hours of graduates boasting about how God has been at work in the midst of all they went through, I couldn't help but agree that God was not only SO EVIDENTLY working in people's lives, but also how much it was WORTH IT to keep following Jesus. Even though I have a hard time getting in touch with my emotions, when the testimonies ended and I walked up to the graduates one-by-one to thank them for sharing their story, I ended up BURSTING into tears. I felt silly bawling in front of them, but I just couldn't believe I had been doubting the worthiness of li

When I think about how I made it through my years in Michigan, I know I couldn't have done it without community (side note: after shamelessly promoting our lifegroup video last year, I canNOT say the word community without singing it to the melody lol). A lot of changes came about when I started college--not only the idea of starting a new life in an unknown city, but my biological family had also transitioned to life in Korea, and I went through an extreme identity crisis as I was confronted with the gospel while living a duplicitous life. But through all the new things I was experiencing, there was always a sister or brother in my spiritual family who was encouraging me to keep trusting in our Lord JC. Without my peers, accountability partners, mentors, and spiritual role models, I am nearly confident that I would have fell away from the faith (especially in light of all the junk I had hidden away behind-the-scenes). My mom is in-town this week and today I had the chance to invi

Check out this cool site that I didn't make (and is not affiliated with HMCC): http://jesus-is.org/ In efforts to get people in Ann Arbor thinking about who Jesus is, I've been conducting one question surveys to get people's honest thoughts on what they think of Jesus. The first time I did this exercise was with my ministry team, and I was blown away that 1) people were very willing to fill in the blank in "Jesus is _____, 2) there were more believers than I expected, and 3) some people genuinely had NO IDEA who Jesus was to them personally. My lifegroup participated in this exercise last night, this time not only to gauge the spiritual climate of this campus, but also to get our fresh JESUS IS rave cards out into the city! The survey was an excellent, non-intimidating segway to promote our Easter Celebration to strangers, and I'm thankful I had the chance to do this with my LG. The responses I've received in the past varies from things like.. Jesus is ______:

Yesterday at church I went to say hello to Kathleen and her newborn daughter, Shana. After a few minutes Kathleen asked me if I wanted to hold Shana --before I could say no, she handed her over to me and started walking away to find her two other sons (lol). I've often enjoyed watching and admiring babies from a distance. Partly because holding such a precious and fragile baby in my arms seemed like a daunting task, and also because I know I'm not particularly gifted with children. But when I was holding Shana yesterday for a good ten minutes, I wondered what I should say to this ten week year-old baby. I knew her body hadn't developed biologically to comprehend everything people said to her or around her, but I just felt like every little thing could leave a mark in her future perceptions. If I could let my child know ONE thing, what would it be? Mommy loves you?Jesus loves you? You're sooo cute? I think about the things from my childhood that affected my perceptions o