Live Out Loud

Typically at year-end I would say that the year has flown by, but to be honest, 2017 has felt very long for me. For most of the year, I was struggling with feelings of hopelessness, faithlessness, and darkness - which I had never personally experienced before in my life.  I felt overwhelmed by questions, challenges, and circumstances outside of my control, such as: Embracing my singleness when many around me seemed to be getting engaged, starting relationships, or popping out babies Fighting feelings of entitlement at work yet knowing that ultimate results were outside of my hands Wondering what kind of opportunity I would want to take next in my career - geographically, industry-wise, etc. All of these uncertainties made me subtlety question God's role in my life, and tested my allegiance and trust. I didn't recognize this until months later, but I'm grateful for the "little things" that helped me to slowly look up from the stubborn darkness. A f

Transitioning into 2017 was an unusually uncertain and anxiety-inducing time for me. Near the end of 2016, my close colleagues and I began discussing the idea of taking an overseas trip together in Summer 2017. As excited as I was about the idea, I was frightened as I looked ahead to where I might be in Summer 2017 - would I A) be on my way out of Singapore at the 2 year mark, or B) have recommitted to another year? I had absolutely NO IDEA and felt like it could really go either way. I was filled with anxiety thinking about the uncertainty, and have spent the past few months trying to pray through how God might be leading me. Everything in me wanted the answer to be A, to leave. Life in Singapore for me has been lonely, exposing, and painful. It has been difficult to embrace my singlehood when everyone around me is married and/or popping our babies. Difficult to embrace the intimate church community when I just want to be anonymous. Difficult to have hope when many around me are s