Live Out Loud

I still remember the first time I went to the eye doctor. I had good eyes most of my life, and I remember in 9th grade how I really wanted glasses just because they looked cool. To my relief, my eye doctor told me that I could get glasses if I wanted (optional). After the scary wind-blowing machine spit out an appropriate dosage, he opened a drawer to assemble a funny looking frame with interchangeable lenses. He handed it to me to try on, and I still so clearly remember the moment I put them on the first time. I was in complete shock and awe--I had no idea it was even POSSIBLE to see the world any clearer. I was so used to seeing in the (imperfect) way I had seen for my first sixteen years of life, that I was completely oblivious to the fact that there was an alternate way that was even better. It was MINDBLOWING, and since that point, I've never wanted to settle for my old way of living without glasses. I couldn't imagine going to class squinting to barely read the chalk on t

I have had one terrible habit since the 5th grade of biting my nails--it's been such a prevalent part of my life for SO long that I legitimately feel like I am in bondage to this habit (dramatic, I know). It's even sillier how I got "pulled in": My older brother started biting his nails a few years before I did, and I remember thinking how STUPID it was for him to be unable to stop. So one day, I put one nail in my mouth JUST to see what the big deal was--'what could be so great about biting nails? it must be pretty good for him to not be able to stop..' and VOILA since that day twelve years ago, I couldn't turn back. I got a taste, a seemingly harmless taste, and was hooked. I don't even know why I keep doing it, but whenever my hands are free (ie: I'm thinking really hard on an exam, writing a paper, not wanting to engage in a conversation)--there goes my hand in my mouth. It's so dumb and I don't understand why I do it. I've even won

Straight up, acct is annoying. Like right now, I was set on going to bed after having finished the Bible study--until I got a reminder text from a friend about my commitment to reflect everyday. Without her persistent nagging and refusal to just let me off the hook, I would have mindlessly headed to bed. Even though I was annoyed at first, I knew deep inside that times like these when I don't want acct are the very times I need it the most. Thanks God for the people who persistently and patiently hunted me down, forced me to seek Your face, and deal with my sins rather than pushing them under the rug (or worse, pretend like they don't exist). I would have very easily given up following Jesus and headed down a destructive path if it hadn't been for people who made sure I was actually living out everything I claimed I wanted to. Humbled that acct now comes not only from older sisters, but from hybrids, peers, former lcgs, and younger sisters :)

Ever since the fall when I received a racketball racket as a gift, I've reserved Sunday nights to relax, get some exercise, and catch up with Jenny. I know I don't like to take Sabbaths, but in many ways these racketball dates have served as a wonderful time for me to unwind from the packed weekend. Racketball Sundays have been a fabulous leisurely activity, but the sport has also revealed things about my character. I had never played the sport before this year so Jenny, given her experience, defeats me 95% of the time. But out of the 95%, a handful of them are times when I was leading most of the game, but suddenly lost grip. I let her get one point, then begin freaking out and the domino effect of losing points begins. Discouraged, I often stop running completely and barely attempt to swing my racket. It's pathetic how much one lost point affects my whole game and I lose complete hope. Defeat is written all over my body, and it is game over, even with much room for catchi

In some ways, this first year as a working adult has been synonymous to my freshman year in college. Amongst the many great things I experienced then, I have also made some major mistakes that I wish I could take back. I am hoping for the best that I've learned from those regrets, and that I will not let history repeat itself. I need wisdom and discernment right now.. (I don't know why that frying pan is there either)

Today was our last accessout of th year, which was so hard to believe. I feel like I've been brainstorming accessout ideas forever and frankly was super relieved to know I wouldn't have to come up with another fresh idea in a while. Tonight we partnered with Erica's lifegroup as she hosted an RA event at north quad--the purpose of the night was to engage in purposeful dialogue with diverse individuals from the community by sharing formative life experiences that have shaped our worldview. What a wordy and schmancy way (haha i am good at that) to say we simply wanted to talk and get to know other people at the university. It was great hearing about different experiences everyone had gone through, some more specific than others. Whenever I'm given the chance to share my life story, I wrestle with discerning how much would be appropriate given the circumstances. Of course keeping things hidden is never God's intention, but honoring people's time and being aware o

Yesterday I was reading the story of a blind beggar who begs Jesus to have mercy on him (Luke 18:35-43). The crowd around him tells him to shut up, but the beggar insists and decides to shout even louder. Jesus heals the beggar to restore his sight, and everyone ends up praising God. All it took was for the blind man to ask Jesus to heal him, and VOILA that was it. Last night when I was praying with my lifegroup, one of the members was burdened for a non-believer in my lifegroup who has been present with us all throughout the year, but has been unresponsive to the gospel. He mentioned a passage God gave him, and how he feels like the god of this age (satan) has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel (2 Corinthians 4:5). Right before that time of prayer, I had met with my LCG (the non-believer) and when we were discussing the story of the blind beggar in Luke 18, she inquired why we don't see God working in our lives today. At first I sat t

The publications team is the only ministry team I've been a part of in my four years at HMCC. Every year alot of things change (including the community that was built over a year in LG), but my MT has been one constant factor through my four-year journey of knowing Christ. Because of the consistency, I was able to build upon my relationships with others on the team and I am SO thankful for this opportunity to serve--I really praise God for the way He used this team to grow my heart for the local church and show me how I can administer grace in different ways. I cannot stop RAVING about how much serving on a ministry team has impacted my life as a Christ-follower. Here are three reasons why I love serving on the publications team. 1) The transformation of this team displays God's power MAN I still remember walking into my first meeting at a classroom in Mason Hall. It was the most awkward meeting i've ever been a part of--legit. I know there were efforts made to facilitate r

This weekend has been one filled with many birthday celebrations--for one, I'm thankful for birthdays because it gives us, at the bare minimum, excuses to get together. More than that though, when I'm writing that card to the birthday gal or guy, it makes me reflect on our relationship and how much it has grown. Last night as I was writing that note for my roommate Grace, I was just in awe over what I witnessed as a friend over the past year. Grace and I have known each other for 4.5 years, but we never REALLY got to know each other until two summers ago when we served side-by-side during a summer missions project. Our friendship began as we planned cooking lessons for underachieving youth in Detroit, woke up together to trek to morning prayer, and even shared a van ride to Austin and back. The more I interacted with her, the more I realized how different we were--hobbies, upbringing, strengths, favorite colors, you name it--in every way we were opposites. Truly the only common

Last night I had the chance to stick around in Detroit after work hours and enjoy the city with another hopeful believer. It's been hard to engage because of things I want to/need to do in Ann Arbor, but thankssss God for open Thursday evenings where we didn't have to be bound by time :D Even though Anna and I have never really been consistent beyond our year as accountability partners four years ago (!) I really appreciate how we've been able to serve together over the years. This was probably the first time we had a one-on-one session in.. years, but it didn't feel like that at all. Ok brain is going dead now. It's a sunny Friday afternoon and I am definitely the ONLY person in the office..

Today was a slow day at work, which I haven't experienced since January when work became a whole another ballgame. Despite the free time, it's been hard for me to reflect today--something about not proDUCING anything makes me feel.. uneasy. I definitely depend on my results to define/affect my worth, which is NG. (Pic to my right is the wall I stare at in my lonely cubicle) One exciting thing is that Lisa, a freshman from Northwestern that I met at the international student retreat a few weeks ago, is doing a one-day internship at the Detroit Symphony Orchestra, and stayed with me last night. Ann Arbor frequently gets visitors from the HMCC of Chicago, but it's very rare that they ever venture outside of our college campus to come see Detroit of all places. Last night after LG I picked up Lisa from the megabus station, got to know her more before I fell asleep prematurely (can't keep up with college students anymore), and this morning she accompanied me during my drive

Romans 12:1-2 is a familiar passage, one that I've memorized and recited in prayers on numerous occasions, but for some reason I had a hard time seeing how the two verses relate to one another (not just as separate entities). Yesterday I re-read the chapter in multiple translations, soughout desiringgod.org for Piper's insights, but still didn't come to a conclusion. I went snowboarding briefly in the afternoon and asked my friend on the lift chair for her thoughts. We didn't really come to a conclusion on the spot, but she apparently meditated on it last night, and sent me this email: "In the OT, whenever sacrifices were made, they were burnt on the altar. They were literally burnt in fire. But you know what we do? we burn energy. As we move around, play sports, study, work, or even just by existing, we consume energy. By saying consuming energy, scientifically, it means that our body literally burns glucose (simple sugar) in mitochondria in our cells. No kidding.

7 He revealed his character to Moses and his deeds to the people of Israel. 8 The L ord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. 9 He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever. 10 He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve. 11 For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth. 12 He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west. (Psalm 103: 7-12) One way (I thought) God had transformed me was by giving me the security to no longer strive for pleasing people around me. I remember when I first came to college, I was so determined to become the well-liked social butterfly that I never was growing up that I put on a whole new facade--from Day 1 in Michigan, I put on a false personality that I thought would win over more friends than the mellow NY that I used t

Four years ago on this day, I handed over the steering wheel of my life to Jesus I still remember how I came home that night around 4am from Studio4, an d had this odd compulsion to tell someone how I honest felt--unfortunately at that hour all I had was my personal xanga to turn to, and somehow during the hour-long reflection I confessed how this double life (being a good moral person externally but living a hidden hedonistic lifestyle) just didn't seem like "the way." Even though I wasn't a Christian, that year I had alot of truths spoken to me through my lifegroup (Sigma Zeta Delta), LCG (Jizzane), and church community (HMCC). I don't remember much from that year, but I do remember one truth: Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. Whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." Here I was, trying to live the best life I could wi

After my parents moved to Korea, my taste for flying diminished greatly. Something about being stuck in a confined space and sitting on your butt for 14+ hours does NOT appeal to me. Although I hate flying, one thing that makes the experience a little better is the airline carrier. Asian airlines just have a different expectation of customer service, and the World Airline Awards say it all. Today's Bible reading was from Malachi 3 , the well-known passage about tithing. Given my very cautious money saving tendencies, the concept of budgeting never really crossed my mind until a few months ago when I started my first full-time job and became financially independent. I remember talking with Moses once and one website he shared with me about money management while giving to God's Kingdom really left an impression. When I think about good stewardesses on my favorite airline, a couple things stand out: They don't just do the bare minimum--the bare minimum that i expect when f

I'm committing to reflecting every single day :o When I was thinking about things in my life that deter me from focusing on Christ, I couldn't help but think about my love for busy-ness and packing my schedule with "productive" activities and meetings. Especially after I started working full-time, it's been incredibly easy for me to go a whole day without reflecting on how God has been at work in my life. I am a complete Martha in my natural character, but I want to be more like Mary and learn how to chill at the feet of Jesus. Stopping everything I'm doing (leaving the inbox, calendar, and sports equipment) and simply thinking about how Jesus is involved and working in my life right now could be extremely beneficial :) Another area I'm working on in my life is learning how to communicate my thoughts visually. I love using words (and praise God, I think He has given me the ability to communicate effectively in words) but thinking in images just don't