I forget too easily

Lord expose my sinfulness once again..

Summer of 2009

This summer I did something so vastly different from everything else in my life--something so against my flesh and my selfish desires. Instead of taking that prized internship in Chicago that had actually become a reality, God was convicting me to commit my summer to serving the Ann Arbor-Detroit area through the community summer missions project through hmcc.

From the first week of May until this past Tuesday, I've been trained to grow in my spiritual disciplines as we went to morning prayer, memorized the book of Philippians, studied the Word, and learned to share the Gospel. Through our various fieldwork at an inner-city high school in Detroit, the international community in Ann Arbor, an underprivileged group of children at the Bryant Community Center, and even through visiting the HMCC of Austin--I learned about God's sovereignty, His love for His people, and His desires for us to live every moment of our lives to give glory to His name. In the process, he directly addressed my personal issues with pride, and humbled me as He revealed to me of the sins in my life. To see that God was using me to share the Gospel and minister to people even when I was failing, disobeying, and so sinful--was a true testament of God's grace in my life. I now see it as a great privilege to partake in the great things He is doing in the Ann Arbor-Detroit area this summer.

For me, the hardest part is translating the ONE THING from this summer to KNOW GOD and to make him known--into an active part, the core ingredient, and the driver of my final year as an undergrad and more importantly, my life after graduation. I still feel as if I have a very worldly approach in my life after graduation, particularly being trained in the Ross BBA culture that we are truly the "best of the best" and should all strive to be the best individuals in corporate America.

I can confidently say that God has brought me through this summer of challenges and learnings so that I may love Him more and surrender (more of) my life to my Lord and my Savior. Even though it's scary to look ahead and daunting to think of following Christ even against worldly oppression, I hold onto the hope that the same God that has saved me and blessed me in the past twenty-one years will continue the good work He has started in me.

To senior year and beyond--

NY

Why I love being a BBA

Is it wrong for me to actually be enjoying the BBA program?

Junior year in the business school was hard, with internship recruiting practically being another three-credit class, and group meetings for projects filled in every hour of your day. But to be frank, I came to LOVE my life as a BBA this year, largely due to the relationships that were built AS a RESULT of these sicknasty group projects.

LAST YEAR, I had zero friends in the bschool, aside from the few that I had known prior. I LOVE my buds from all the project groups, the same 60 faces that I see in my section, the same five faces that I see at every interview.. which even culminated to my new involvement on the exec board for the BBA Marketing Club next year. I'm really excited to be serving on leadership for the Mkt Club especially because these five other seniors on the eboard are all people that I know, but never even interacted with. I LOVE BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS, and I LOVE THAT THEY'RE SO DIFFERENT FROM ME. I love hearing about their involvement with UMDM, the Ross Student Government, or their Greek systems. CREATIVE ABRASION PREVAILS!

I also love how practical our curriculum is--this semester has been filled with analyzing any business or organization you want and using course concepts to make it better. I LOVE IT! Every time I'm waiting in line at the ridiculous YOGOBLISS, I can't help but think about all the ways that we can reduce Tq (wait time)! BUSINESS IS ALL AROUND, AND I LOVE THAT.

Here's a tribute to all the groupwork that has led to many new relationships this year!

The hardest of hearts

God can change even the hardest of hearts.

For weeks, I was in denial. I wrestled with God and didn't want it to be true. I didn't pray because I knew what I was supposed to do, but didn't want to hear what He wanted to say. (FYI: Intentionally not praying when you need to make decisions is just about the dumbest thing you can do). To be completely honest, I secretly hoped that my parents would refuse to sign the consent form (messed up, I know). If anything, through this painful decision-making process, I realized how messed up and manipulative I could be..

Even when I refused and turned away, I knew deep inside what to do. Not the dream internship that I had worked towards, but what I really desired for the coming summer was to learn to love Jesus more and experience His love for me more--so much that I would no longer need to rely on the securities of this world--not a dream job, nor approval from my peers. I'm trusting and believing with (oh so little) faith that even without taking an internship this summer, God will provide another opportunity if He really desires for me to be a Brand Manager.

So when things get difficult and I start doubting if I made the right decision, remember that no matter how much I think my way would have been better, only the Lord gives the right answer and I KNOW what the right answer is (Proverbs 16:1). Stop being foolish and being in denial. Let go for once and let Him take over.

Here's to Your future (not mine)

-NY

2008.

What did 2008 mean for me? The year of a surprisingly awesome summer in Chicago interning at Leo Burnett, the entrance into the dreaded Junior year at the business school, with corporate presentations every week and constant visits to career counselors and communication consultants in effort to perfect every bit of the recruiting process, from my resume to cover letters to interviewing skills. Also the year that I realized different and good were not mutually exclusive things (ie: JCrew small group last year), and I really learned what it means to have a missional mindset on and off the court.

To be frank, I don’t remember what the first half of 2008 was like, largely because I moved on to a new journal in the second half of the year. But what I do remember doing for months is asking God for a greater heart for His lost people, for my heart to break at the sight of those who do not know Christ—and mostly for my own family members. Something about not spending eternity in heaven with my parents did not seem right, yet I felt no urgency to share the Gospel with them. So I asked God for that greater burden for months, and went into Junior year with several days of OCR (Operation Campus Reach) training at my church in Ann Arbor.

In short, OCR changed my life. I realized how much I had been dichotomizing my life in and outside the church, not only in my behavior, but also in my mindset. Within the boundaries of life group, I knew I was supposed to try to “reach out” to my classmates, dormmates, and the like, but this only briefly crossed my mind when my leaders announced we would be having a Thanksgiving Outreach Dinner. Simply said, ministry was limited to times I dedicated to church activities. However, OCR challenged me to fuse every part of my life together—my spiritual life (ie: life group), personal life (ie: going to the gym), and academic/professional life (ie: bschool peers). Sharing the Gospel or talking about spiritual things was no longer confined to group outreaches around campus, or long meals with my accountability partner.

Soon after, I copped an opportunity talking to the card swiper at the CCRB (gym), a friend of a friend I had just met at Meijer (grocery store), and a classmate that just wanted to know where I was disappearing off to every Wednesday night from 6 to 10PM. In all, I realized there are plenty of people all around us who are more than willing to come out to church or learn about Christianity, if only we asked. Here I am, thinking to myself that no one wants to hear this good news, and fearing rejection. But God is still moving when we don’t know it, and He has already prepared a harvest that just needs to be reaped. A new meaning of “It’s not about me” defined.

All this sounds great, but why is it so much easier for me to practice this to strangers whom I barely know? Why have I been home for a week already and never revved up the nerve to share the Gospel message with my parents? My only fear is that the next two weeks will fly by and I will leave home once again without having said a word to my own mother about how Jesus changed my life. In the meantime, please pray for boldness on my behalf..

Reoccuring Dreams

To dream that you are smoking, indicates that you are trying to shield yourself and others against your emotions. You have trouble letting others in.

Identity Crisis

As some of you know, I recently unofficially adopted "Jamie" as my American name, mainly because I felt that my Korean name was a hindrance to meeting new people (especially in my classes). So when I started working at Leo Burnett, I introduced myself as Jamie to all the fellow interns. But because all of my legal forms still said Nayoung, I ended up introducing myself as Nayoung to my co-workers in the Hallmark account, so somehow I ended up with two different names at LB.

In all honesty, I have to admit that I hated blending in and getting lost in the sea of Christinas, Sarahs, and Kellys. It just didn't seem the same when I introduced myself as "Jamie like a Jingle" rather than "Nayoung like a Nail clipper" (in an icebreaker). I miss my old name, and I miss how I was the only Nayoung that anyone ever knew.

I am slowly learning to embrace my uniqueness, and not being ashamed of it. It's a constant struggle, but I am finally accepting and loving myself in God's image, even though that might mean that I'm different from the crowd. And ya'll know how I always condemn myself for being such a people-pleaser.. :P