Live Out Loud

Whenever friends would ask about what kind of partner I'm looking for, I would recite a short list of non-negotiable's and a medium list of nice-to-have's. I never minded sharing my non-negotiable's (shared values, spiritual maturity, someone who enjoys their work but doesn't find their worth in it), but I felt shy about my nice-to-have's or personal preferences. Who was I to be so picky or particular, especially if they weren't "important" enough to be deal-breakers? Recent interactions have had me re-evaluating the weight of qualities that I had not thought much about before. For example, I never thought that I valued a common enjoyment of food, until I met someone who admitted he "eats to live" (vs. me, who clearly lives to eat). Even though I had previously noted this as merely a preference, I realized I had unsaid expectations of how I envisioned my life and ministry. It would be a pity to not have someone share the joys of eat...

I never identified much as the "courageous" type. When a colleague commented to me on Friday that she thought I was courageous, I was prompted to re-evaluate what I thought courage was. The next day as I was reading Malcolm Gladwell's book, I stumbled across a portion that revealed a lot about my (incomplete) view of courage. Here is a snippet  from Gladwell's book titled  David & Goliath, p 149: "The conquering of fear produces exhilaration. The contrast between the previous apprehension and the present relief and feeling of security promotes a self-confidence that is the very father and mother of courage. Courage is not something that you already have that makes you brave when the tough times start. Courage is what you earn when you've been through the tough times and you discover they aren't so tough after all." I don't think taking the uncommon path is easy for anyone, but there are people who are overwhelmed by the fe...

'If money, reputation, or others' opinions didn't matter, what would you want to do?'  This is how I ended up in my field and what I feel called to, at least for now. Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if I stayed in marketing, but days like today remind me of why I do what I do.  There are a lot of things that remain the same about my new job and my last job: I get to work with university students and employers. Do both career advising and program management. Work in the interest of a higher education institution and its (non-profit) mission. Be a part of a fast-paced, diverse, and collaborative team culture. As I dive deeper into my role, I realize there are also more differences than I initially thought: Student population is more diverse (undergrad, master's, PhD), and attracts a different crowd at a public university.  My advising has more of a subject matter focus working with students adm...

Back in May 2018, I had a chance to share with my church family.  -  As I wrap up my three years in Singapore, I would like to share some of my closing thoughts as many of you have played an integral role in my life here. There were three main reasons I moved out here back in 2015: A) I wanted to help build a new institution in a new career field . The student-facing role  has not only been fulfilling but life-giving, allowing me to represent more of my full-self in a professional setting.  B) I wanted to work on my relationship with my family in Korea, and being closer in proximity was one intentional way to keep myself accountable. God has given me more wisdom and boldness to share more of my life with my earthly family, in ways that I have learned from my spiritual family.  C) I wanted to be a part of HMCC again, to help it grow in a different part of the world. When I first came I thought I would be here to give, bu...

Typically at year-end I would say that the year has flown by, but to be honest, 2017 has felt very long for me. For most of the year, I was struggling with feelings of hopelessness, faithlessness, and darkness - which I had never personally experienced before in my life.  I felt overwhelmed by questions, challenges, and circumstances outside of my control, such as: Embracing my singleness when many around me seemed to be getting engaged, starting relationships, or popping out babies Fighting feelings of entitlement at work yet knowing that ultimate results were outside of my hands Wondering what kind of opportunity I would want to take next in my career - geographically, industry-wise, etc. All of these uncertainties made me subtlety question God's role in my life, and tested my allegiance and trust. I didn't recognize this until months later, but I'm grateful for the "little things" that helped me to slowly look up from the stubborn darkness. A f...

Transitioning into 2017 was an unusually uncertain and anxiety-inducing time for me. Near the end of 2016, my close colleagues and I began discussing the idea of taking an overseas trip together in Summer 2017. As excited as I was about the idea, I was frightened as I looked ahead to where I might be in Summer 2017 - would I A) be on my way out of Singapore at the 2 year mark, or B) have recommitted to another year? I had absolutely NO IDEA and felt like it could really go either way. I was filled with anxiety thinking about the uncertainty, and have spent the past few months trying to pray through how God might be leading me. Everything in me wanted the answer to be A, to leave. Life in Singapore for me has been lonely, exposing, and painful. It has been difficult to embrace my singlehood when everyone around me is married and/or popping our babies. Difficult to embrace the intimate church community when I just want to be anonymous. Difficult to have hope when many around me are s...

I haven't wanted to write updates in a long time. I didn't feel like I had anything "update-worthy" because I haven't had any big revelations that I was excited to share about. I still feel this way even after our church-wide retreat last weekend, but am trying to fight every thought in me that thinks that I should only share when I have something glorious to rave about. The past few months have been tough - often feeling joyless, dead-ended, and stuck. What I discovered during our retreat themed VICTORIOUS however, was that the reason for me feeling this way is because I've only been looking inwards. Many questions have been on my mind lately, on how long I should be where I am in this season in my life. I had tried asking God for clarity in these questions, but felt like he wasn't answering. In the midst of asking and waiting, my humanly expectations crept in and mixed with my expectations from God. When I sat down to think through, 'What did G...