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Do not think of me more highly than you ought

I was in a crowded school gymnasium when there were two older men coming after me. I didn't know what they wanted, but ran away into the sea of people to try to hide.

In the gym, I saw a lot of familiar faces but didn't feel like I could share with any of them about how I was feeling. I felt so trapped unable to voice my fears and feelings, until I saw in the middle of the crowd a group of girls from my LIFEgroup. One, dressed in a blazer and skinny jeans, stood out to me and embraced me as I cried into her shoulder. Even in a room full of acquaintances and brothers & sisters in Christ, I only felt comfortable revealing my true self to one.


I am insecure and filled with fear, but people don't think I am. Or at least I think that's what people think.

Somewhere along the line I started building self-imposed expectations. I felt like I needed to live up to a certain standard just because of the college major I pursued, the company I work for, or my commitment to the local church. My affiliations have often preceded my reputation, and led people to think more highly of me than who I really am. I fear, judge, covet continuously but have a hard time admitting to them because I feel like people expect more from me.

So help me, will you think of me as the worst of sinners?
"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen." -1 Timothy 1:15-17

The intro was just a dream I had while I was home in December 2012. Vivid dreams are another reason why I relate with Joseph :)

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