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What? God loves me?

Even though I've been a Christian for four years now (!), there are still a handful of things I know theoretically but have yet to experience personally. One of those that bothered me for a good three years was the idea of what it means to be FREE IN CHRIST, which God let me experience through a serious of reoccuring dreams lol (just ask me about it in-person if I haven't told you). I know God loves me because He sent His one and only Son to die for me, but I don't know if I've ever experienced God's love in a personal way. Or perhaps I have, but I just haven't recognized it..

Two weeks ago, new LIFE groups began which meant I was given a fresh roster of fifteen girls to shepherd for the rest of the summer. My new LG is a merge of Global Access & Jwitter, with a few additional international students. Perhaps it's because I've had context with the GA community in years past and knew my Jwitter girls coming in, but something about my love for this LG has been different. Since the first LIFE group I was called to shepherd (Organic) to the latest one ending a month ago (Jwitter) and everything in between (WIO & SIC), it's been a constant struggle for me to love, serve, and invest in my members willingly. I knew I was CALLED to shepherd and guide my members, but trying to convince my heart was a whole 'notha story from knowing it in my head. Because of this disconnect, I ended up doing the bare minimum in my role as a shepherd, and am sure I missed out on many blessings.

Coming into this summer, I prayed that God would give me (1) a genuine love for my members, and (2) a willing heart to serve them sacrificially. Praise God because I truly feel like He has answered both of these to the tee. Whenever I look at my LG roster, I smile in excitement and anticipation thinking about how God wants to work in their lives, and actually WANT to be personally invested to help them reach their potential. 'DUH Nayoung--weren't you supposed to be doing that all along?' YUP but I definitely got consumed in taking care of the logistics in my first two years and am just gaining a heart for my members now.. :P

GOD has granted me the love for my LG girls, and if God gave me this love for others, it only goes to show how all-the-more God loves ME! I'm reminded of the passage from 1 John 4--specifically verses 7,8,and 19 stand out to me. WE LOVE BECAUSE HE FIRST LOVED US! There is no way I could be loving these girls in our LG if it wasn't for the fact that God loved me first.

That may sound slightly circuitous and indirect but I'm also reminded about the story of Elijah in 1 Kings 19--here is Elijah, waiting for God to show His power through this HUGE BAM IN THE FACE experience with the wind, the earthquake, or the fire--but instead God speaks to him in a soft whisper. A lot of times I wait for God to show Himself to me in a specific way, and assume disappointment when He doesnt meet me the way I expected.. When in actuality, if I'm sensitive enough to the Holy Spirit, God IS speaking and meeting me (just in a different way than I prayed for).

ACTUALLY (x2), I'm glad God didn't show me His love in an obvious and IN THE FACE way! I've been praying for more discernment in my life since last year--by God showing me his love in this 'indirect, circuitous' way, I was able to grow in discerning the HS! YAY GOD for answering even the speCific prayers in my life!

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