Live Out Loud

As an information-driven recap of the year: here are the cities I’ve slept in, the airports I’ve arrived in or departed from, books I read, and shows I saw. (Past years: 2018 , 2019 ) 2020 was as we all know - an unusual year. My list this year - while following the same format as years past - is much shorter. I hope that next year will look a little different. Until then, I will keep my pattern of staying home and staying safe!   Cities I slept in  Jeju, Korea  Leavenworth, WA San Francisco, CA Seattle, WA Seoul, Korea Whistler, Canada Airports I traveled through CJI ICN SEA SFO Books I read Purple Cow Radical Candor Shows I saw  n/a

As an information-driven recap of the year: here are the cities I’ve slept in, the airports I’ve arrived in or departed from, books I read, and shows I saw. (Past years: 2018 ) Compared to last year: "Shows I saw" is a new category. "Books I read" were more heavily audiobooks.     Cities I slept in  Ann Arbor, Michigan Cotswolds, England Denver, Colorado Fuchu, Japan Jeju, Korea Kaohsiung, Taiwan London, England Los Angeles, California Oxford, England Portland, Oregon San Francisco, CA Seattle, Washington Toronto, Canada Seoul, Korea Singapore Whistler, Canada Airports I traveled through CJI  DEN DTW ICN KHH LAX LHR OAK NRT SEA SJC SFO SIN Books I read A Higher Loyalty A Million Years In A Thousand Years Atomic Habits Becoming Billion Dollar Whale Culture Map Customer Success Deep Work: Rules For Focused Success In A Distracted World Educated Free Food For Millionaires Gay Girl Good God If Yo...

"God doesn't talk to me in an audible voice because God isn't a human being; He's God. That makes sense to me, because human beings are limited and God isn't limited at all. He can communicate to us in any way He wants to anytime He wants to. Through flowers, other people, an uncomfortable sense, a feeling of joy, goosebumps, a newfound talent, or an appreciation we acquire over time. It doesn't need to be a big mystical thing." - Bob Goff, Love Does (page 140)

As an information-driven recap of the year: here are the cities I’ve slept in, the airports I’ve arrived in or departed from, and the books I read in 2018. This post was inspired by my colleague and friend Amy, who has been doing this annual recap since 2011. Her recap includes shows she saw and races she completed, and I adapted mine accordingly. Cities I slept in  Ann Arbor, Michigan Da Nang, Vietnam Hoi An, Vietnam Hue, Vietnam Karawaci, Indonesia Melbourne, Australia Osaka, Japan Portland, Oregon Seattle, Washington Seoul, Korea Sharm el Sheikh, Egypt Singapore West Palm Beach, Florida Airports I traveled through CAI CGK DAD DTW EWR HKG ICN JFK KIX PBI SEA SIN SSH Books I read   Born A Crime Boundaries Boys In The Boat David And Goliath Difficult Conversations Everybody Lies For Men Only For Women Only From The Corner Of The Oval Gift Of Loving Yourself Grit Hidden Christmas Hit Refresh Men Are From Mars, Women Are From ...

As I close out 2018, I am hopeful for.. continued work in a profession that makes me feel alive opportunities to help others flourish, both in my personal and professional life ways I will continue to grow, as I make mistakes and experience discomforts the things I will discover as I relate with others closed hearts to slowly open up the quiet whispers of my heart to be recognized and fulfilled joy experienced in partnership the slow but sure progress towards my physical goal of doing pull-ups one day Inspired by the Chan Zuckerberg Initiative's 2018 Annual Letter, titled  What We're Hopeful For

Whenever friends would ask about what kind of partner I'm looking for, I would recite a short list of non-negotiable's and a medium list of nice-to-have's. I never minded sharing my non-negotiable's (shared values, spiritual maturity, someone who enjoys their work but doesn't find their worth in it), but I felt shy about my nice-to-have's or personal preferences. Who was I to be so picky or particular, especially if they weren't "important" enough to be deal-breakers? Recent interactions have had me re-evaluating the weight of qualities that I had not thought much about before. For example, I never thought that I valued a common enjoyment of food, until I met someone who admitted he "eats to live" (vs. me, who clearly lives to eat). Even though I had previously noted this as merely a preference, I realized I had unsaid expectations of how I envisioned my life and ministry. It would be a pity to not have someone share the joys of eat...

I never identified much as the "courageous" type. When a colleague commented to me on Friday that she thought I was courageous, I was prompted to re-evaluate what I thought courage was. The next day as I was reading Malcolm Gladwell's book, I stumbled across a portion that revealed a lot about my (incomplete) view of courage. Here is a snippet  from Gladwell's book titled  David & Goliath, p 149: "The conquering of fear produces exhilaration. The contrast between the previous apprehension and the present relief and feeling of security promotes a self-confidence that is the very father and mother of courage. Courage is not something that you already have that makes you brave when the tough times start. Courage is what you earn when you've been through the tough times and you discover they aren't so tough after all." I don't think taking the uncommon path is easy for anyone, but there are people who are overwhelmed by the fe...

'If money, reputation, or others' opinions didn't matter, what would you want to do?'  This is how I ended up in my field and what I feel called to, at least for now. Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if I stayed in marketing, but days like today remind me of why I do what I do.  There are a lot of things that remain the same about my new job and my last job: I get to work with university students and employers. Do both career advising and program management. Work in the interest of a higher education institution and its (non-profit) mission. Be a part of a fast-paced, diverse, and collaborative team culture. As I dive deeper into my role, I realize there are also more differences than I initially thought: Student population is more diverse (undergrad, master's, PhD), and attracts a different crowd at a public university.  My advising has more of a subject matter focus working with students adm...

Back in May 2018, I had a chance to share with my church family.  -  As I wrap up my three years in Singapore, I would like to share some of my closing thoughts as many of you have played an integral role in my life here. There were three main reasons I moved out here back in 2015: A) I wanted to help build a new institution in a new career field . The student-facing role  has not only been fulfilling but life-giving, allowing me to represent more of my full-self in a professional setting.  B) I wanted to work on my relationship with my family in Korea, and being closer in proximity was one intentional way to keep myself accountable. God has given me more wisdom and boldness to share more of my life with my earthly family, in ways that I have learned from my spiritual family.  C) I wanted to be a part of HMCC again, to help it grow in a different part of the world. When I first came I thought I would be here to give, bu...

Typically at year-end I would say that the year has flown by, but to be honest, 2017 has felt very long for me. For most of the year, I was struggling with feelings of hopelessness, faithlessness, and darkness - which I had never personally experienced before in my life.  I felt overwhelmed by questions, challenges, and circumstances outside of my control, such as: Embracing my singleness when many around me seemed to be getting engaged, starting relationships, or popping out babies Fighting feelings of entitlement at work yet knowing that ultimate results were outside of my hands Wondering what kind of opportunity I would want to take next in my career - geographically, industry-wise, etc. All of these uncertainties made me subtlety question God's role in my life, and tested my allegiance and trust. I didn't recognize this until months later, but I'm grateful for the "little things" that helped me to slowly look up from the stubborn darkness. A f...

Transitioning into 2017 was an unusually uncertain and anxiety-inducing time for me. Near the end of 2016, my close colleagues and I began discussing the idea of taking an overseas trip together in Summer 2017. As excited as I was about the idea, I was frightened as I looked ahead to where I might be in Summer 2017 - would I A) be on my way out of Singapore at the 2 year mark, or B) have recommitted to another year? I had absolutely NO IDEA and felt like it could really go either way. I was filled with anxiety thinking about the uncertainty, and have spent the past few months trying to pray through how God might be leading me. Everything in me wanted the answer to be A, to leave. Life in Singapore for me has been lonely, exposing, and painful. It has been difficult to embrace my singlehood when everyone around me is married and/or popping our babies. Difficult to embrace the intimate church community when I just want to be anonymous. Difficult to have hope when many around me are s...

I haven't wanted to write updates in a long time. I didn't feel like I had anything "update-worthy" because I haven't had any big revelations that I was excited to share about. I still feel this way even after our church-wide retreat last weekend, but am trying to fight every thought in me that thinks that I should only share when I have something glorious to rave about. The past few months have been tough - often feeling joyless, dead-ended, and stuck. What I discovered during our retreat themed VICTORIOUS however, was that the reason for me feeling this way is because I've only been looking inwards. Many questions have been on my mind lately, on how long I should be where I am in this season in my life. I had tried asking God for clarity in these questions, but felt like he wasn't answering. In the midst of asking and waiting, my humanly expectations crept in and mixed with my expectations from God. When I sat down to think through, 'What did G...

Yesterday I ran over a large bump while cycling and ended up falling off my bike (surprisingly for the first time). There were no serious injuries (just a scraped knee) but I was in quite a bit of pain for the rest of the day. I partially blame my low pain tolerance but also caught myself thinking about what I've been praying for recently. I remember sharing with the OCR team two days ago how I know in theory that God loves those that are needy & poor in spirit--but how hard it is for me to actually believe it and live it out. I had asked God to help align my head to my heart in allowing me to joyfully and unashamedly be needy before Him. Truth is, I spent most of my birthday trying to force a smile thru the gatherings and hide the misery I was enduring. I was unable to function as I normally would, but couldn't stand the thought of hinting at any sign of "weakness". A friend asked at dinner if I had cold sores, which I was so surprised she knew about; I hadn...

Yesterday at work I burst into tears. It was embarrassing and I didn't want to let it happen, but I will admit that it felt good to let out my fears, frustrations, and anxieties. The last time I cried at work was when I was at Deloitte. I am so glad that I do what I do, but sometimes I find it funny that my work nowadays is more demanding than working at a large consulting firm. God help me to trust you, to cast my burdens on you, instead of holding my anxieties to myself.

I am starting to see patterns emerging from the fast every year

I am from piano keys, math workbooks, sleepy subway rides. I am from grassy lawns, rollerblading in suburbia, and turnpikes all throughout the armpit of America. I am from a neighborhood filled with children I tutored, feeling the pressure to live up to my family name, never having cousins, aunts, or uncles to eat a holiday feast with. I am from what looks like a flawless family on the outside, but to me, one lacking in intimacy, emotion, and real connection. Having real conversations is a new concept, one I only experienced once I left home. "Only speak Korean in the house," perhaps the language contributed. Some things I didn't understand then, but am forever grateful for now. I am from pan fried mackerel and tofu my father loves, potatoes and rice dismissed. I am from my boxes of time capsules filled with memories from Korea and New Jersey, stored away in a corner of my home.

"I don't care if I'm right, I just want to understand."  One of my colleagues responded this way after we went back and forth clarifying the definition of a phrase/terminology. She didn't mean it this way but it left such a dagger in my heart.  So often, I get myself into heated and unrelenting conversations because I am insisting on my point. I have been really missing the mark by focusing on getting my message across. Seek to understand, not to be right. 

Every time my mom visits, I like to invite some close friends over for a meal. This has become a small tradition of sorts (and I often struggle with how to decide who to invite). 2015 - 2013 - 2011 (top to bottom) This year was the first time that the bulk of my friends who came were not Christian. And yet, my mom shared similar sentiments this time around as she has in years past--how sincere, genuine, and kind-hearted my friends are--and how happy (and approving) she is of the people I choose to surround myself with. While I was thrilled that my mom had a great time, it also made me wonder about what make us distinct as Christ-followers. More specifically, what makes me distinct? Have I lost my saltiness?

What do you look for when you travel? What is particularly intriguing to you across cultures? I discovered over lunch this week that one of my colleagues is fascinated by prisons. Yes, prisons. Her dream job is to become a prison ward some day. I have never ever heard that before from any of my friends, or anyone in my network. The conversation of course involved heavy topics such as how we feel about the death penalty, for which I had never given much thought. I left the lunch wanting to learn more, and was recommended a book - Dead Man Walking - as a starting point. I love my job and the people I work with, but finding my way through controversial conversation topics like this has been one of the most consistent challenges.

"There was a time when the church was very powerful--in the time when the early Christians rejoiced at being deemed worthy to suffer for what they believed. In those days the church was not merely a thermometer that recorded the ideas and principles of popular opinion; it was a thermostat that transformed the mores of society. Whenever the early Christians entered a town, the people in power became disturbed and immediately sought to convict the Christians for being "disturbers of the peace" and "outside agitators." But the Christians pressed on, in the conviction that they were "a colony of heaven," called to obey God rather than man." - Martin Luther King Jr.