Live Out Loud

Even though I've been a Christian for four years now (!), there are still a handful of things I know theoretically but have yet to experience personally . One of those that bothered me for a good three years was the idea of what it means to be FREE IN CHRIST, which God let me experience through a serious of reoccuring dreams lol (just ask me about it in-person if I haven't told you). I know God loves me because He sent His one and only Son to die for me, but I don't know if I've ever experienced God's love in a personal way. Or perhaps I have, but I just haven't recognized it.. Two weeks ago, new LIFE groups began which meant I was given a fresh roster of fifteen girls to shepherd for the rest of the summer. My new LG is a merge of Global Access & Jwitter, with a few additional international students. Perhaps it's because I've had context with the GA community in years past and knew my Jwitter girls coming in, but something about my love for this L...

The first time I ever stepped into a church was in 10th grade. After the service (99% which I did not understand, and felt completely out of place about), my friend Patty went up to her youth pastor and asked, "Hey Pastor Steve, do you have any extra Bibles? My friend is new and doesn't have one." He went to his office to get one, but when he came back he said, "Sorry we don't have any more Bibles--but someone left their Bible behind and it's been sitting in the lost & found for months! Here, you can have it." I didn't like the idea of receiving a second-hand Bible at first, so when I received a *new* leather-bound study-Bible (the two-tone smooth leather kind with the gold page edges), I immediately put this first Bible away. Over the years, I received several other Bibles which was honestly frustrating--I was so disappointed when I received a Bible from my LG as a baptism gift (c'mon how many Bibles did I really need at that time?) I return...

I’ve been thinking a lot about friendships lately. What’s the purpose of having friends? Is it just so I can have fun and have people to spend time with? Where should my friendships strive towards? What is the end goal of friendships in my life? Of the many insecurities in my life, relationships are one of the top things on my list. Ever since I was young, I never felt like I “succeeded” socially. I wasn’t ostracized or outcasted in school, but I was also never THE person that everyone wanted to be friends with. The fact that I was never someone’s best friend or girlfriend made me believe that I wasn’t good enough or worthy enough to be one. SO when I came to college knowing just one person, I took the chance to reinvent myself—I forced myself to be more outgoing and fun-to-be-around, thinking my new personality could win over more friends. The truth is, it worked. But deep inside I knew it was all a façade—when I accepted Christ at the end of my freshman year and realized God loved...

During the discipleship portion of the CSMP a few summers ago, Pastor Andrew suggested that our whole team follow the same Bible Reading Plan—so since then, I’ve been reading through the Word according to the M’Cheyne two-year plan. There were days and many spurts where I wasn’t faithful, but it was SO weird last week when I flipped over my little plan folded into thirds and realized I had made it, a full two years! Which got me thinking, what was I like two years ago? Have I changed at all? Two years ago, I had just finished my junior year in college. A busy year in academics and the future (recruiting), but a year God challenged me to s u r r e n d e r as I said no to the plans for my life and signed-up for the CSMP instead. I began seeing the value of INVESTMENT as I wrapped up an awesome year with my life group (New Era), and was offered the opportunity to serve on TEAM Community, the leadership in our church. I was a terrible co-leader in my first lifegroup (Organic)—so consu...

One of those topics that always seems to come up is the different ways we show love--the well-known love languages varying from words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. I'm still figuring myself out, but I think I tend to show my love through gifts and words of affirmation. I LOVE taking mental notes of things people mention in passing and giving it to them unexpectedly. Often times they're not even items that are very costly monetarily but just the mere fact that I am able to meet a need in the other person's life brings me much joy. With that said, if I wasn't inspired or didn't "pick up" on a need in a friend's life, I prefer to just not buy any gift at all and instead resort to a card of (hopefully) encouraging affirmations instead. Might seem a little odd, but I guess it just aligns with the practical side of me. Apparently many people receive love in different ways than the way they SHOW love. Eve...

This morning I was driving to Trix Elementary for my weekly Junior Achievement session with the 5th graders. I've been there four times now and the commute there is actually REALLY simple. Despite the fact that I had gained familiarity with the route though, I felt the need to check the directions one more time. I just couldn't stand the idea of uncertainty--that 1% chance that I woULDN't know the right exit to take or the right street to turn into. It was silly because even though I couldn't recall the exact exit number or the street name, I knew the approximate distance or the landmarks indicating an approaching turn. But I didn't feel like that was enough--I needed the extra confirmation, something to seal the deal. I couldn't move forward with merely what I knew because I was so scared of failing. Even if that chance was so abysmal, it didn't matter--my fear of failure paralyzed me from moving forward. I wonder how much I'm missing out on just becaus...

When you listen to a song, which sticks out to you--the lyrics, or the beat/tune/melody? I've always found it difficult to discern the meaning of songs (yet alone discern what people are even saying) when listening to music. I know this is very odd for someone my age, but I don't even listen to music. I like driving my car in silence, jogging without earbuds, and doing work without distractions. Sooooo... when I DO stumble across a song I actually like, it means a lot. Here are the words to a song by Sanctus Real called " Til I Got to Know You "--it was played during one of the videos at Easter and I found out about it on a friend's blog afterwards.. I tried perfecting myself Would You love me more without my mistakes? I tried not to ask for Your help 'Cause I didn't want to scare You away Yeah, I was always worried I was gonna let You down Oh, it felt like I was standing In between the lost and found 'Til I got to know You, You I was at a place when...