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Regrets

I don't have many regrets in life, but one of them is regarding the relationship I have with my family.

I grew up most of my life in NJ with mom, dad, and brother, but things started changing my junior year in high school. My older brother moved to Pittsburgh for college, my dad got transferred back to the office in Korea, and I ended up living with my mom for a little less than two years. I think the time was particularly hard for my mom, but I (being the immature and self-absorbed student I was) personally wasn't that affected by the sudden disbursement of my immediate family.

My mom ended up moving to Korea to be with my dad the moment I finished high school, and I transitioned to life in Michigan. During the breaks is when I realized I didn't know where I belonged anymore--I would go "home" to Korea once or twice a year, thinking of NJ or MI as where I really belonged. Over my four years in college as I started investing more in my relationship with God, one of the first things that I dropped was maintaining my relationship with my family. Everything in life is a trade-off (the only thing I learned from Macroeconomics) and without knowing it, I started distancing myself from my family as I got more immersed in other things. Despite their efforts to keep in touch, I failed to play my part as I defensively justified with remarks of how busy I was--I didn't even offer my leftovers.


Yesterday was my brother's 25th birthday and as usual I was greeted by the usual we miss you/
wish you were here/have you thought about moving somewhere else. My whole family has been pushing for me to work in Korea after college, particularly because they saw how my four years in college left no positive marks in our family life. If anything, all they see is how religious their daughter has become and how much more tension she has brought with her newfound beliefs into a seemingly "perfect" family. I know I haven't been the best witness to them, yet alone a good daughter and I have my share of regrets--but all I can do now is to surrender all of my failures and mistakes, and believe by faith that God is capable of redeeming them all.

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." (Isaiah 43:1b-3a)

Comments

Julie Y Kwon said…
this is why you asked me that question :) haha you're on my Google reader now!
April 1, 2011 at 1:40 PM
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