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Man pride

I have so much man pride, it's disgusting.

As I think about my CSMP experience a year ago, I cannot forget the time I pushed myself through physical training to the point of tears just because I didn't want to feel inferior, refusing to go to the doctor (yet alone getting a primary care physician). I put up this tough exterior but I am so weak. 

On the contrary, I have so much respect for some of my friends who have been tested and tried through so much hardship and injustice that they have developed a resilient spirit. Some of them are small and perhaps look weaker than I do, but they have such strong spirits. Spirits that don't trust in themselves but in One who is greater. 

I hesitated with my future decision a lot because I was afraid of the unknown, the unfamiliar. As I step away from what is safe and secure, I hope I can develop a more resilient spirit. One that is willing to walk through the fire and still trust in my one and only source of life. 

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