Live Out Loud

Search me, O God, and know my heart! Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there be any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting! - Psalm 139:23-24 As excited as I am to finally live out my calling as a college student affairs professional, I have to admit that I have been concerned about the pay involved with my career switch. Part of me knows that my dignity and worth are not defined by my salary, but the practical side of me wonders if I can make it with a reduced salary in a city with a higher cost of living. Last night as I confessed these concerns, God reminded me of a prayer I've lifted up continuously throughout this past year. A prayer inviting God to do whatever it takes for me to depend on Him, knowing how prone I am to live an independent and self-sufficient life. Even though I still have questions of how things will work out practically, I am assured that God's heart is not to hurt me or make me suffer, but to help me. Help me not to l...

After having been immersed in small group ministry for many years in Ann Arbor, it would be an understatement to say that transitioning out was a significant change for me. Part of me felt a bit incomplete without the explicit responsibility of shepherding people, but I'm thankful that this past year allowed me to find my identity in Christ and not in my ministry. People have asked me if I miss leading, to which I respond, 'Sometimes.' I realized this past year that even without formal responsibilities or titles, I can do many of the things I did before (ie: investing in relationships, looking for ways to serve, etc). What I miss most though is the humble posture that ministry forces me to embrace. I have never felt so weak, helpless, and inadequate as I do when I am leading God's people--all of which help me to acknowledge my rightful place and need for God. With or without formal responsibilities, I hope I can remember how small, weak, and incomplete I am apart ...

Cathy and I first met when we were in business school together at UM. We had a few classes together but never had significant interaction until our post-college years. Surprised that both of us had decided to stay in Ann Arbor, we began building a relationship over the common bond that Jesus had somehow gripped our hearts to forego our earthly ambitions for an eternal mission. I was so honored to stand beside you as you tied the knot, and am praying for much fruit as you partner with Vic on this lifelong journey. Thanks for always making time for me and being down for random adventures like being my +1 at holiday parties :)

The point in life isn't to do things well, but to ask God, will you help me? A few months ago one of my teacher friends (Irene) told me a story about one of her students, whom she was helping with math homework. The student had a hard time with the math problems, and went to the bathroom often during their session. Irene eventually noticed that the student would go to the bathroom to solve the problem on a calculator, and come back to report the answer. She was so heartbroken that all the student wanted to do was have the right answer, when all she wanted to do was to help. I was so struck by this story because I think that's exactly what I do with God. He doesn't care so much if I have the right answer. All he wants to do is help.

One of the hardest things about deciding to leave Ann Arbor was all the rich relationships I would have to leave behind. I think the practical part of me couldn't think that such deep and gospel-centered relationships could form in short periods of time in my coming year in Philly, and yet a completely new relationship with a sister in my new LIFEgroup this spring shattered that cynical preconception. We got close so quick that it gave me hope for what was to come in my impending move. Last night I got to spend several hours conversing and worshipping with one of the new sisters I met here in Philly, less than a week ago. It was such a sweet time of being honest with one another, testifying to God's faithfulness, speaking truth amidst our fears, and worshipping together. I can't believe how quickly and graciously God has answered my prayer for sisters to run the race with, and hope we can mutually encourage each other to fight the good fight, for the year(s) to come.

One of the best decisions I made this past school year was participating in the freedom class that our church offers as a way to break through strongholds in our lives. Coming into the class, I hesitated with feelings of "I don't need this" vs. "I have so many insecurities I want to be set from." God used the class to help me with several things I am so grateful for, even months later. Through the freedom class, God.. Helped me to identify distortions in my thinking I never verbalized it until the class, but in my mind, I had this underlying fear and idea that I should be thrown out as a useless piece of clay. Instead of believing this wickedly distorted idea, God told me that I am his masterpiece and his workmanship, created in Christ to do good works, which he prepared in advance for me to do. Taught me how to overcome fear  I never knew I should pray to HATE the sin of fear, to renounce the fear in the name of Jesus (faith > fear), and to move...

"Blessed is the man who TRUSTS in the Lord, whose CONFIDENCE is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not FEAR when HEAT comes; its leaves are always green. It has NO WORRIES in a year of drought and NEVER FAILS to bear fruit."  - Jeremiah 17:8 I sense that this upcoming year will be a particularly hard year where I will have to confront my fears. My hope is that I would trust in the Lord and find my full confidence in him, not just for the crazy stuff but even for the practical things. God, would you provide me with: A new church to love and serve Sisters to help me continue to grow The ability to speed-read and write awesome papers!