Live Out Loud

Thinking of !gnite 2012 and my father's love today. There are so many things I wish I could tell you, and how that letter impacted me. My insecurities, my doubt, my anger, and my pain began to heal when I read your message, filled with a surprising abundance of love and affection. Looking forward to more powerful and personal encounters at this upcoming retreat. Take me deeper & wider Lord!

I've heard from a number of people that their first impressions of me included terms such as intimidating and unapproachable. Many of these were linked with how I dress(ed), often times wearing a blazer or tie, even to the most casual of settings (note: these are comments I received when I was a soph/junior in college). But the truth is, I was just hiding. Truth is, I was the scared one. I still am.

As strange as it sounds for someone my age, I don't listen to much music. It's hard for me to focus on both the tune and the lyrics, so it usually takes me quite a long time to understand and begin appreciating songs for their written intention. I was recently introduced to a  song  which strikingly embodies many of my feelings and fears entering into 2013: I had a dream that I was captain of my soul I was master of my fate, lost control, and then I sank So I don't want to take the lead, 'cause I'm prone to make mistakes All these folks who follow me, gon' end up in the wrong place So let me just shadow you, let me trace your lines Matter of fact, just take my pen, here, you create my rhymes 'Cause if I do this by myself, I'm scared that I'll succeed And no longer trust in you, 'cause I only trust in me   And see, that's how you end up headed to destruction Paving a road to nowhere, pour your life out for nothing You pulled my ca...

By now I think it's pretty clear that God loves to speak to me through my dreams. Here is a vivid dream I had after returning from the 2012 Undergrad Retreat. In the  dream , I was walking down State Street (towards Yost) when I realized I was being chased by some bad guys. In an attempt to escape, I ran into a barber shop (pretty sure it was  this one  actually) that ended up being a secret passageway to a UM hockey   game . As I was walking down the hallway from the barber shop to the ice rink, I noticed a copious amount of roadkill near my footsteps. I DESPISE dead animals (yet alone live ones :X) so I started getting really disgusted, repulsed, and discouraged at the sight of dead birds, squirrels, and dogs on-my-way to the ice rink. I thought I could avoid this discomfort by turning back, but was confronted with a flood of (live) dogs running right at me soon-after. I couldn't handle that either and ended up leaving the arena and the barber shop, back on the ...

WOW. As I was reading Romans 10-11 (the special Missions Week Bible reading plan) today, I was STUNNED by how much of what Paul talks about in those two chapters relates with my last post about lessons from running the Big House Big Heart 10K. Romans 11 verses 5-6 and 17-24 were especially relevant. 5  It is the same today, for a few of the people of Israel [ c ]  have remained faithful because of God’s grace—his undeserved kindness in choosing them .  6  And since it is through God’s kindness, then it is not by their good works. For in that case, God’s grace would not be what it really is—free and undeserved. 17  But some of these branches from Abraham’s tree—some of the people of Israel—have been broken off. And you Gentiles, who were branches from a wild olive tree, have been grafted in. So now you also receive the blessing God has promised Abraham and his children, sharing in the rich nourishment from the root of God’s special olive tree. ...

"But who am I, and who are my people, that we could give anything to you?" (1 Chronicles 29:14) "But Lord... how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family." (Judges 6:15-16) SERIOUSLY GOD. WHO AM I, that the LORD of ALL THE EARTH would care to know my name, yet alone save me from the guilt and shame of my sin. Even when I'm giving my 100%, A-GAME to please You, I SOMEHOW end up screwing it all up (and even bringing others down with me). SURELY all my righteous acts are like filthy rags before You. Why does God love me? Not because of who I am But because of who You are God doesn't just love, God IS love. Just believe it NY--stop feeling insecure, just live your life CONVINCED that God's love for you is real.

I ran a 10K yesterday at the Big House, right before HMCC's 15th year celebration--it was an INCREDIBLE run because I feel like God was speaking to me about my life as I was running. Here's what I mean: I was in awe and shock when I finished my 6.2 miles, because I have been extremely unfaithful with training leading up to the race. Despite my failure to be disciplined on a daily basis, I felt like I was given this supernatural strength to run til the finish and not give up. Because of that, I ran hard and ended up cutting about 20 minutes off of my time from June (crazy, I know). I think the 10 kilometers I ran yesterday greatly resembles my journey of following after Jesus. If you ask me about what has helped me to grow in my faith, I can give you a handful of HUGE commitments I've made in the past couple years--like participating in a summer missions project, serving in LIFEgroup ministry, or staying in Michigan post-graduation. But despite these sizeable deci...