Live Out Loud

I had a friend my freshman year who often carried a cup of coffee with her almost everywhere. When I asked why she was had coffee even in the wee hours of the night, she told me that she only bought the drink to keep her hands warm. I laughed, but it's kinda smart, no? "True self-esteem means recognizing, despite everything that your upbringing has trained you to believe about yourself, that the grades you get—and the awards, and the test scores, and the trophies, and the acceptance letters—are not what defines who you are.   True innovation means using your imagination, exercising the capacity to envision new possibilities. It means not just “getting into” whatever school or program comes next. It means figuring out what you want for yourself, not what your parents want, or your peers want, or your school wants, or your society wants. When you walk into college, you are offered a choice among law and medicine and investment banking and consulting and a few other things, b...

Sometimes I wonder why I do what I do. Why I spend my evenings and weekends with college students, why I live so far away from where I work, why I give much of what I get. The times that I close my eyes in my parking lot just shy of 2AM, the times when it takes me more than an hour to get to work, the times when I add up my deductibles for tax season. Sometimes, I can't help but think,  what a waste . In Matthew 25, Jesus shares:  For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.  Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you something to drink?  I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me. They said "Why this waste?" to the woman with the alabaster jar, and I've heard it...

I haven't felt my heart beat like this in a long time. I said I'm willing to let go, but the thought of having to enter these conversations frighten me. The thought of taking a step without knowing if the bridge will remain standing. My feelings are similar to what I felt in 2009 --less denial, but I'm still afraid. Praying for peace, trust, and wisdom (!) in the weeks and months to come. One of the best decisions I've made in my life, in 2009:

I don't usually enjoy being wrong, but today I'm so glad that I was. Despite my frustration and impatience, things were happening beyond my knowledge. Stories were striking a chord, songs were invoking a response, the practice of communion was even starting to make sense. Somehow God even intervened within a dream to stir up more thought. I was blown away hearing all this, which was SO NOT what I thought coming back. I could not have been any more wrong. I've never wanted healing, restoration, and hope for someone as much as I have for you. At the same time I'm so scared that I'll take control and push you away. Jesus won't you take the lead--I'm stepping back.

I had particularly high expectations for one sister that God brought into my life last year. After some persistent asking, she signed up for the retreat last minute which gave me hope. And yet as we returned back to campus yesterday, I couldn't help but get frustrated and impatient as nothing seemed to have changed. I couldn't understand why God wouldn't rescue and heal her NOW, but then came across this parable in Matthew 20 : When evening came,  the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, ‘Call the workers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last ones hired and going on to the first.’   The workers who were hired about five in the afternoon came and each received a denarius.   So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius.   When they received it, they began to grumble  against the landowner.   ‘These who were hired last worked only one hour,’ they said, ‘and you have ma...

If my house caught fire, saving this box would definitely be one of my key priorities. Crazy throwback looking through this box today. Thankful!

Growing up with a dad in the tech industry, I've always had a keen interest in gadgets and technologies that enhance our lives. I remember how deeply a digital camera affected my approach to photography, and how empowered I felt with my first smartphone in-hand. Even though it's hard to feel connected when physically apart, one thing that really helped bridge the gaps in my family was Kakaotalk. We use the group chat daily to share photos, insights, updates--and from time-to-time my mom forwards me a video that she received from another one of her Kakao contacts. Here is the video that I woke up to yesterday: Even though my mom and dad have yet to surrender their lives to Christ, I'm so thankful for the ways God has used technology to share the gospel with my parents. Videos like this, shared through apps like Kakaotalk, have really augmented the personal conversations I've had with my parents and illustrated principles and concepts that I could not explain in wor...

While reflecting on where I feel like God wants to take me in 2013, the word that came to mind  was-- o v e r c o m e. Overcoming feelings of failure, overcoming insecurities, overcoming limitations or disabilities that I feel like hold me back from living to the full extent that God has called me to. A couple verses that came to mind were John 16:33 and Isaiah 43:1-2 I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.  But now, this is what the Lord says—he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." As I was coming to a peaceful resolve around this theme, we "coincidentally...

How would my life look if I never encountered Jesus? One of the biggest inward changes I experienced through Christ was freedom. Freedom from the guilt and shame of my sin, things I had done in secret and vowed to never reveal to another human being. Growing up, my public and private life were consistently inconsistent, and something inside me knew that wasn't "right". As I began my relationship with Christ, I'm so glad that He challenged me to no longer hide and deny the thorns in my flesh, but to confess them in confidence that He would be glorified through my weaknesses. Source: ibetyouhavent.com Several years before I even knew Christ personally, I read about a vivid dream that another Christ-follower (Joshua Harris) had once and published in his book " I kissed dating goodbye".  It was a powerful illustration of how Jesus relates with our areas of guilt and shame. Here is the  excerpt : ---------- The Room  by Joshua Harris In ...

Thinking of !gnite 2012 and my father's love today. There are so many things I wish I could tell you, and how that letter impacted me. My insecurities, my doubt, my anger, and my pain began to heal when I read your message, filled with a surprising abundance of love and affection. Looking forward to more powerful and personal encounters at this upcoming retreat. Take me deeper & wider Lord!

I've heard from a number of people that their first impressions of me included terms such as intimidating and unapproachable. Many of these were linked with how I dress(ed), often times wearing a blazer or tie, even to the most casual of settings (note: these are comments I received when I was a soph/junior in college). But the truth is, I was just hiding. Truth is, I was the scared one. I still am.

As strange as it sounds for someone my age, I don't listen to much music. It's hard for me to focus on both the tune and the lyrics, so it usually takes me quite a long time to understand and begin appreciating songs for their written intention. I was recently introduced to a  song  which strikingly embodies many of my feelings and fears entering into 2013: I had a dream that I was captain of my soul I was master of my fate, lost control, and then I sank So I don't want to take the lead, 'cause I'm prone to make mistakes All these folks who follow me, gon' end up in the wrong place So let me just shadow you, let me trace your lines Matter of fact, just take my pen, here, you create my rhymes 'Cause if I do this by myself, I'm scared that I'll succeed And no longer trust in you, 'cause I only trust in me   And see, that's how you end up headed to destruction Paving a road to nowhere, pour your life out for nothing You pulled my ca...